Well, I have officially joined the ranks of the mothers who have left a cart full of groceries down an unknown aisle in a grocery store where you have become the main attraction. We were gaining a crowed from the shelf stockers to little old ladies with a quizzical brow. And my pride was wanting to yell at all of them "Haven't you ever seen a two year old throw a fit!? So, while my son screamed "GO AWAY!" at the top of his lungs and hit me in the face I was very aware of the state of my heart. It was responding in the exact same way his was, I just had a little more self-control. By God's restraining grace Noah is still living and mommy is humbled.
On the ride home I was struggling with anger in my heart towards him and sinning in it by yelling some not so helpful things toward the back seat. Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". This verse was not functionally working in my mind and heart at this point. We pulled into the parking spot in front of our town home and all was quiet. Very quiet. I got Sydney out of the car first and she began her ascent to the door. I walked around the car to get Noah out while being humbled by the Holy Spirit and feeling the anger fall away and the conviction setting in to repent of my sinful response to this test. I opened the door to see Noah's face still stained with the hot tears that had been streaming down it. He was searching my face to see if I was still angry with him. When he saw that I was broken over my sin he looked at me with a precious face and said "Sorry". I picked him up from out of his seat and sat on the side of the car holding him and telling him with tears that mommy was sorry too and that I loved him very much. We as mothers have the ability to serve our children in their sin or join in it. More times then not I become a participant in sin with my children instead of a help to them. This verse is being carved into my heart right now.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1
6 comments:
Amanda, thanks for sharing your heart so openly. I praise God for his work of humility and mercy in your life!
Last week my adorable daughter made a complete scene in front of the grocery store while I was trying to get her to sit in the grocery cart. In the middle of her screaming I look up... of course in my pride, to see if anyone is watching... and of course I see a CLC pastors wife and her son walking by. He is staring at us and she is trying to get him to cross the street.
I was reminded of 2 things at that moment.
1. God allows us to experiencing these things so that he can teach us more about himself and show us where we need to grow. 2. Never go to Flower Hill if you don't want to run into someone you know :-)
I'm so thankful you are turning to His word for truth and encouragement. Galatians 6...wonderful... God is so faithful and is guiding you so gently. You are an encouragement to us all! You're in my prayers.
Oh, my friend, how I have been there more times than I want to admit! Your humility in sharing all the unpleasant details of the day is encouraging and inspiring to me...thank you for being an example to all of us moms with small children!
I can vividly recall a day, much like yours, in MD, in the Kmart. I left a cart full of stuff in the aisle and proceeded to the exit as quickly as possible with my 3 year old screaming at the top of his lungs and hitting me all along the way....you aren't alone my friend and God's grace is very obvious in your life and he is working in your heart to sanctify you and change you more into his image.
I miss you dear friend.
Thank you ladies for all of your encouragement. It has blessed me to hear your stories. Much love - Amanda
Hey Amanda,
As a single man with no children, I found this post very encouraging. Thanks for your humility in sharing this test. Your descriptions of the sin, repentance, and reconciliation between you and Noah was vivid and powerful.
Praying for you guys. Say hi to Josh for me.
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