"Womanly Dominion"

A friend sent this quote from the book "Womanly Dominion" to me as an encouragement in the tasks of what my calling entails. I wanted to pass it along in hopes that it will spur you on to higher ground.

pg. 154-

"It's my understanding that every biblically committed wife and mother must pass through a personal Gethsemane of sorts, needing to come to grips with the cup her Father has poured for her.

Think, dear sister, how the Lord Jesus selflessly served you.  He laid down His life to make you look good. He laid it down on crucifixion day, so that you'd look good on judgement day.  He was spat upon, beaten, scourged, mocked, stripped, spiked, hung, and forsaken.  Then He breathed His last so that you wouldn't forever weep, wail, and gnash your teeth in hell.  He was born, lived, and died with the sole object that you would look good forever.  Could it be that this wifehood and motherhood thing is calling you to higher ground, conforming you more to His glorious image?"  -Amen

Church Bells

I love the sound of the church bells that ring in our old town every day.  I wonder if they're ringing to call the faithful to worship or if they're ringing to announce the death of a church member (the "passing bell" --one stroke for each year of life.) Maybe it's in celebration of a couple that has just united in the marriage covenant or the start of a new day of school. Whatever it may be, the bells cadence makes me stop and meditate that time is passing. It breaks into the mundane tasks of my life and reminds me of an earlier century, that I have only read about and wished I had gotten to experience. It reminds me that what I am doing right now will end all too soon, as the seasons come and go. So, as I pause at the sound, a smile spreads across my face and I continue on in the tasks that God has called me to, in this time and place.

New Prized Possession

Crossway publishing has put out a new ESV version of the classic Spurgeon devotional with the same TruTone cover as their bibles. "Morning by Morning" and "Evening by Evening" were one of my gifts Joshua brought back for me from T4G. Thank you Babe!

Eulogy

Our friends dear wife gave the eulogy at the funeral. She shared about the man behind the pulpit and how God saved him and used him during his 31 years of life. She spoke about how from Wednesday to Friday she was praying over him and reading scripture to him. There was one passage in particular that God kept bringing her back to, Psalm 116:15 that says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." She said, "Sometimes I could read it over him and sometimes I couldn't." Friday night as she came home and went into her husbands study with a flood of questions in her soul she picked up Charles Spurgeons commentary "The Treasury of David" and turned to verse 15 of Psalm 116 and read...

Verse 15. "Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints, and therefore he did not suffer the Psalmist to die, but delivered his soul from death. This seems to indicate that the song was meant to remind Jewish families of the mercies received by any one of the household, supposing him to have been sore sick and to have been restored to health, for the Lord values the lives of his saints, and often spares them where others perish. They shall not die prematurely; they shall be immortal till their work is done; and when their time shall come to die, then their deaths shall be precious. The Lord watches over their dying beds, smooths their pillows, sustains their hearts, and receives their souls. Those who are redeemed with precious blood are so dear to God that even their deaths are precious to him. The deathbeds of saints are very precious to the church, she often learns much from them; they are very precious to all believers, who delight to treasure up the last words of the departed; but they are most of all precious to the Lord Jehovah himself, who views the triumphant deaths of his gracious ones with sacred delight. If we have walked before him in the land of the living, we need not fear to die before him when the hour of our departure is at hand."

She closed the eulogy by saying, "My husband didn't die prematurely, his work was done here on earth, and when he passed away Friday morning, God smoothed his pillow and his death was precious in His sight."

She reminded me of a young Elisabeth Elliot as she spoke with clarity and grace about the loss of her husband. And for the time that we sang, cried, and remembered him, it was done all in the understanding that we serve a good and faithful God who is infinite in his understanding, and it is in him that we place our trust. How unexpected it was to have the one who lost the most, be the one to bring the most comfort and peace through speaking. 

Grief

Today we head home to go to a funeral for a friend that passed away on Friday. It has been an eerie feeling to hear information over the phone of what has taken place and then to try and process it as truth. My mind and heart keep arguing with reality as I rehearse the details in my head with a resounding no, no, No! I keep remembering being in Care Group with him and his wife 7 years ago, how the two of them met and fell in love, how they had an extremely long engagement, their prized red couch, first baby, etc. And now the time has come when theology meets my everyday life, and it is a struggle to converge the two, when all I want to do is undo what has taken place. Grief takes time and maybe when I'm standing there seeing his casket, seeing his family and friends gathered together to remember him as a godly man that loved the Lord, his wife, and children, then maybe I will finally allow reality to sink in, and for there to be some kind of closure for a life cut short in my human understanding.

A friend who is grieving along with me posted this verse on her blog that brought encouragement to me.

"So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

"Grieving but not without hope." Amen.

Rachel is Home

I posted on Rachel a couple of months back about her testimony of dying from cancer and how she wanted to honor God during the process. Here is the post from the Girl Talk blog about her passing.

"A friend of the family let us know that Rachel Barkey passed away yesterday morning. Please pray for her husband, Neil, and their two children and their extended families. If you have not yet watched Rachel’s video testimony of her battle with terminal cancer, we would strongly urge you to do so today.

We rejoice that Rachel is now in glory, free from pain and worshipping our Savior. For us here at girltalk, and we know, for many of you as well, she will always be a profound example of steadfast faith in Jesus Christ."

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” Psalm 116:15

The Divine Order

The Divine Order
What You Feel vs. What is Real

This is a book I regularly visit because of the second chapter.
It helps to transform my thinking when I am filtering everything through my emotions instead of the Word of God. Here are a few quotes from the book that help remind me of the truth.

"Oh, the havoc that is wrought, and the tragedy, the misery, and the wretchedness that are to be found in the world, simply because people do not know how to handle their own emotions!"
-D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

"what we have in the Bible is Truth; it is not an emotional stimulus...and it is as we apprehend and submit ourselves to the truth that the feelings follow." -D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones


"If we want our hearts to be moved by the gospel, if we want our emotions engaged, if we want to be truly amazed...we have to start putting our feelings in their proper place. So we need to slow down for a moment and contemplate God's order for truth-based living and thinking, an order which we have a tendency to disregard." -C.J. Mahaney

"When we first focus on truth, lo and behold, feelings follow! And they'll be reliable feelings, because they're anchored in truth. That's divine order." - C.J. Mahaney

Rachel Barkey

This is a clip of a post from the "Girl Talk" blog. I listened to Rachel's testimony this week and was humbled by her relationship with Jesus Christ and by the way she communicated about a good God in the midst of her suffering and impending death from cancer. Please listen to her message or watch it on video. It will help you to "number your days" as Rachel's have been numbered by her cancer.

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

"We had a post ready for today, but we’re not going to put it up. This afternoon, we received an email from a girl talk reader named Shaila, in Vancouver, Canada. Her best friend, Rachel Barkey has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Rachel is a wife, a mother of two children, and she is not expected to live to see her 38th birthday.

Several weeks ago, Rachel shared a message with a group of women entitled “Death is Not Dying: A Faith that Saves.” We were so affected as we watched this video that we wanted to share it with you right away.

Many people have asked Rachel, “Why? Why is this happening to you? To Neil? To Kate and Quinn? To your family and friends?”

“I don’t ask ‘why?’” says Rachel. “Because I know.”

Please watch or listen and learn what Rachel knows."

For This Reason...

One of the daily struggles for me as a mom is applying the gospel to myself when I have sinned against my children. Condemnation is close at hand when I love myself more then I love the sprouts in the sinful moments of my day. After a particularly hard day of struggling with this, Joshua shared with me during his "wifely care time" the phrase, "For this reason Christ died." He encouraged me to say it to myself whenever I am losing sight of the cross and what Christ paid for on my behalf. So that every thought of "I just sinned again" would be followed by "For this reason Christ died for me." This phrase has helped train my thoughts by using the gospel to make a preemptive strike against condemnation. It takes my gaze off of myself and my sin and puts it on Christ and the cross.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:6

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

'Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us." Romans 8:34

Most of my days...

A friend wrote me an encouraging note that had this clip from the Girl Talk blog. It definitely describes how I feel most days.

"Most of my days looked pretty much the same.
I got out of bed each morning so that I could do everything I did the day before.
I washed the dishes so they could be dirtied again.
I ironed the clothes so they could be worn again.
I wiped noses so they could run again.
I picked up toys so that they could be played with again.
I mopped the floor so mud could be tracked on it again.
I cooked meals so that I could go to the grocery store again.
I made beds so they could be slept in again.

Some days I wondered: if I do all I do, only to have it undone, am I really doing anything?

I realize that all of the mundane, repetitive days were actually full of significant, enduring work. A home was being built. A family was being knit together. Four souls were being shaped for eternity. ( So far for the Jordan family it's 3 little souls!)

God willing, your home will spawn homes where the same tedious yet momentous work will go on day in and day out, so "that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (Titus 2:9)."

Thank you Ginger for reminding me of these truths.

Neglected Calling

"We are going about the business of our callings, perhaps, let us look up to God in the first place, for wisdom and grace to manage them well, in the fear of God, and to abide with him in them; and then we may in faith beg of him to prosper and succeed us in them, to strengthen us for the services of them, to support us under the fatigues of them, to direct the designs of them, and to give us comfort in the gains of them. We have journeys to go, it may be, let us look up to God for his presence with us, and go not whither, where we cannot in faith beg of God to go with us".
Matthew Henry - The Secret of Communion with God

This paragraph was the very first thing I read this morning and I could go no farther. The words leaped off the page and summed up for me what should be my prayer as a wife and mother of three young children. It has been a season where fatigue has taken over and grumbling is settling in my heart. A season were I daily lose sight of the purpose of my calling and neglect to ask for strength from God. A season where in my heart and actions I could not beg in faith for God to come with me. What a foolish sinner I am that I would daily neglect to go before God and beg of him what only he can provide for the calling that he has assigned for me.

Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Thank you God that you and only you are my strength and my portion in this season. Thank you for strengthening me with your Word when I am weak. Thank you for the blessings that come with the calling of being a wife and mother. And thank you that you have not called me to do it alone.

Momentary Separation

7 weeks ago on my way to pick up Lizzy from the NICU I was reminded of God's kindness to us that we were bringing our baby girl home. My mom made the same trip to a different hospital 18 years ago but it was to say goodbye. January is the anniversary of the birth and death of my little sister Melody. She was born on the 14th of January and went home to be with her Creator a few days later on the 18th of 1991. It has been especially difficult for my mom as she longs for the day when she will get to see her again. And as I experienced in some small way the acute longing for Lizzy when she was in the NICU as my mom does for Melody, I was reminded of what it must have been like for God the father to be separated from Jesus His son when he absorbed our sins on the cross. It can never be said that God does not understand our sorrow and grief because He has experienced it all. Because of what Christ did for us on the cross we have hope to long for Him and to long for the ones who have gone home before us. What we experience as believers is only a momentary separation that in light of eternity is very small. I pray that I will long to see Jesus Christ with as much anticipation as I did to see Lizzy during the short time I was separated from her. My mom is an example of someone who has had a lifetime of physical pain, suffering and loss but has chosen to cling to the Savior all the more for it. She longs to be home with Christ more then anyone I know and I am grateful for her example of living in light of eternity.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 - 5:1-5 says

16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

5:1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, 3 if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. 4 For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

Planned Priorities

Last Friday morning I took a small retreat at Starbucks for a couple of hours. My friend Marie and her daughter Sarah came over to give me some much needed time to plan for the new season I am about to enter as a mom of 3 under four. I reread a book called "Shopping for Time" written by Carolyn Mahaney and her 3 daughters. Chapter 3 entitled "Sit and Plan" was very helpful in laying out a plan for the areas I need to be focusing on. The 3 priorities are #1 Growing in godliness, #2 Loving my family and #3 Fellowship with Christians.

The first priority is to continue to communion with God by having my devotions. It may look very different over the next couple of days, weeks, months but I want the time I do have however long or short it is to be as purposeful and planned in advance as possible. So Joshua and I have already picked out the books I will be studying during this time to refresh my soul and some specific spiritual disciplines to focus on such as prayer, meditating on scripture and worship songs that are full of sound doctrine and are gospel centered.

The second priority is my family. The 2 questions I ask myself every week for each member of my family is how can I serve them this week? And how can I surprise them this week? Some questions I will also be asking myself that came from the book are "What is the family relationship I need to give the most attention to?", How can I be more intentional in showing love to this person?", "Are there any deficiencies or challenges in our marriage?" etc. Carolyn wrote "Keeping it simple is the key" and I have already seen much fruit in the past 2 weeks since I have been purposeful in implementing this time into my schedule to sit and plan for the following week.

The third priority is fellowship with other believers. It has helped me to ask myself this question from the book " Is there a relationship I need to prioritize for the purpose of fellowship?" My time will be limited in this coming season so it has been helpful to plan for the relationships that I need to be investing in.
My hope is that through this transition time I would continue to grow in godliness, to love my family more deeply and treasure the friendships that God has placed before me as a means of grace in this season.

Prayer

I read this morning in a book called "The Secret of Communion with God" by Matthew Henry. This section on prayer affected my heart.
"We may be sure of this, and we must pray in the assurance of it, in a full assurance of faith, that wherever God finds a praying heart, he will be found a prayer-hearing God; though the voice of prayer be a low voice, a weak voice, yet if it come from an upright heart, it is a voice that God will hear, that he will hear with pleasure, it is his delight, and that he will return a gracious answer to; he hath heard thy prayers, he hath seen thy tears."
Henry went on to say that "What a shame is this to us, that God is more willing to be prayed to, and more ready to hear prayer than we are to pray."
This has lifted my gaze this morning and has spurred me on to pray to our Father in heaven. I hope it does the same for you.

Sprouts Devotions

Part of the sprouts bedtime routine has been to read their Big Picture Story Bible with Joshua and I before they go to bed. The Bible would then be put away and only gotten out at this time of the day so that they would learn that it was something special and not just an ordinary book laying around the house. It became a special treat if they got to hold it and turn the pages by themselves which at times resulted in conflict between them. So this past Sunday we purchased a second Bible so that they could both have one. We started on Monday making it part of their morning routine, they get up, get dressed and sit on their beds with their very own Bible. They both have been very excited about their devotions and start talking about it with Daddy the night before as he preps them for the following morning.

One of the things that big sister reminds brother of is to turn the pages gently. We will be in our room and will hear Sydney say "Noah be gentle with turning the pages". So far so good, we have not lost a page yet.

Sydney likes to give running commentary as she turns each page.
"And the people disobeyed God", "God sent fire from the sky that burned up the soil and the rocks" (referring to the story of Elijah). And her new favorite is the story of Lazarus in which we hear her yell "LAZARUS COME OUT!"

Noah looking at Noah's ark.

Noah looking at his favorite Bible bad guy (Goliath).

Praise Report

Hi Family and Friends,
We found out today that we have been accepted into the Maryland Children's Health Program. Praise the Lord! This is our insurance while we are here at the PC. This has been a matter of much prayer and waiting in the long process of paperwork. I have an appointment with a nurse on Monday afternoon for a check-up and to help me find a doctor. So hopefully within the next 2 weeks I will have been to the doctor and be registered at the hospital I will be delivering at. For those of you who knew about this prior to reading this post thank you for your prayers and encouragement in the process. God is faithful and he has always shown himself to be.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, Deuteronomy 7:9

Poison Control

Sin was introduced from the very first interaction of the day with Sydney screaming "NO!" as I entered their bedroom and asked her to get down from brothers bed. Then over the next 2 hours there were at least 10 to 15 training/discipline sessions between the two of them. In between the breaks of these sessions breakfast was served, vitamins were given, diapers changed, floor vacuumed (only because there was food thrown all over it) and dishes cleaned because the sink was overflowing.

During one of my last sessions of the morning with Sydney, Noah got the hydrogen peroxide off the counter and proceeded to drink the last Tbsp. left in it from the night before. I came out of the bathroom to see Noah with liquid coming out of his mouth and the lid put back on the bottle very poorly. Sneaky! So what next but to call the poison control center to find out what I should expect from a two year old foaming at the mouth from ingesting peroxide. The lady on the other end was very polite and informative. "If he swallowed it you can expect him to start vomiting in the next few minutes and if not he will be just fine. Wash his mouth and hands and give him something to drink that he likes". Ok, so for the next few minutes I observed and nothing came out of his mouth but drool which is normal for him. A cup of apple juice and a snack and everything was back to normal. I looked at the clock and it was 9 a.m. My thought at this point is I'm glad this was not how my day started and WOW, have I done alot in 2 hours since the sprouts have been up. My day actually started at 4 am when I could not sleep. So the light came on and my bible was opened to Psalm 131.

I Have Calmed and Quieted My Soul
A Song of Ascents. Of David.

1 O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
3 O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.

During my devotions I was aware of my desperate need for God to calm and quiet my soul. To be humbled before the throne of grace and receive the strength for the day that only it can provide. Little did I know that the tasks of the day were going to be in full swing when the sprouts woke up, but He knew. Because the day dawned with God in view and scripture running in my mind, today has been a day for contentment in the tasks that He has called me to as a mother. Thank you God that your Word is alive and active and in that there is hope for today and every day.

Psalm 130

This passage of scripture has been my anchor this past week and will continue to be my meditation.

Psalm 130
My Soul Waits for the Lord
A Song of Ascents.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
2 O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.
5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.
7 O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
8 And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

There is a beautiful song written from this text by Bob Kauflin called "Out of the Depths".

The CD is entitled "Psalms" and if you are interested you can check it out at sovereigngracemusic.org.

The entire song is amazing but the chores especially has been ringing in my ears and in my heart.

Chorus:
So more than watchmen for the morning
I will wait for you, my God
When my fears come with no warning
In Your Word I'll put my trust
And when the harvest time is over
And I still see no fruit
I will wait
I will wait
For you

Joining the Ranks

Well, I have officially joined the ranks of the mothers who have left a cart full of groceries down an unknown aisle in a grocery store where you have become the main attraction. We were gaining a crowed from the shelf stockers to little old ladies with a quizzical brow. And my pride was wanting to yell at all of them "Haven't you ever seen a two year old throw a fit!? So, while my son screamed "GO AWAY!" at the top of his lungs and hit me in the face I was very aware of the state of my heart. It was responding in the exact same way his was, I just had a little more self-control. By God's restraining grace Noah is still living and mommy is humbled.
On the ride home I was struggling with anger in my heart towards him and sinning in it by yelling some not so helpful things toward the back seat. Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". This verse was not functionally working in my mind and heart at this point. We pulled into the parking spot in front of our town home and all was quiet. Very quiet. I got Sydney out of the car first and she began her ascent to the door. I walked around the car to get Noah out while being humbled by the Holy Spirit and feeling the anger fall away and the conviction setting in to repent of my sinful response to this test. I opened the door to see Noah's face still stained with the hot tears that had been streaming down it. He was searching my face to see if I was still angry with him. When he saw that I was broken over my sin he looked at me with a precious face and said "Sorry". I picked him up from out of his seat and sat on the side of the car holding him and telling him with tears that mommy was sorry too and that I loved him very much. We as mothers have the ability to serve our children in their sin or join in it. More times then not I become a participant in sin with my children instead of a help to them. This verse is being carved into my heart right now.

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1

I am an empty sinner, you are a full Christ!

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” John 4:10


O weary man, footsore and sorrowful, sitting thus on the well, asking for a drink of
water at the hands of a poor sinful woman - you are my Lord and my Redeemer;

I believe in you, I love you, I worship you!
Nearly two thousand years have passed since you spoke the sweet words which are now comforting my heart, yet with what power and solace, and blessing,
do they come to me at this moment! 'If thou knewest'.
Lord you have told me who you are, you have in mercy revealed yourself to me, I know you to be that blessed 'gift of God' which alone can save and satisfy my soul.
The depth and compass of heavenly love are manifested in you, and you have shown me,
not my need only, but the sufficiency of your grace and power to meet it.
I am an empty sinner, you are a full Christ! - Susannah Spurgeon